A Forever and an Eternity
by dabri-wolf
Summary: ...All my reasonings slowly unfurled. For I am me, and she is my world... thoughts of edward on his little lamb. *oneshot* complete.


hey guys.  
this was a short thing i put together randomly one day...finally could b bothered to post quotes and twisted them to suit what i wanted to write.  
hope you enjoy.

me:wtf?! i drew these pics like ages ago...and i wrote this ages ago too!!wow look..its spunkransom!! ;D  
sister: haha i laugh at your edward-ness.  
me:.......

DISCLAIMER: i dont own characters of TWILIGHT.i wish i owned an edward...but thats reality fo ya.

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_title: A Forever and an Eternity_

_author: __dabri-wolf_

_basecharacters: __twilight_

.Edward Cullen.

With every fibre of my being, I ached to be a normal man, so that I could hold her in my arms without risking her life. So that I could be free to spin my own fantasies, fantasies that didn't end in with her blood on my hands, her blood glowing in my eyes.  
My pursuit of her was indefensible. What kind of relationship could I offer her, when I couldn't risk touching her?

I hung my head in my hands.

What was more confusing was that never before, had I ever felt so human in my whole life- not even when I _was_ human, as far as I could recall.

I raised my head, staring at my hands. how i hated their hardness, their coldness, their inhuman strength. This love I felt for Bella had come purely, but now the waters were muddied. I couldn't be normal for her; I couldn't give her what she would want in a relationship. How was I to be natural around her without causing injury, untold grief to her and myself? All I had to do was forget, not think for one moment and my hands, my monstrous ways would injury her, kill her. Then that would cause me untold pain, too much regret than I could bear to live with. I should leave, if that was what was best for her. But i just wasn't capable of letting her go. No, not just yet. Because I needed her, wanted her in a way that should be unhealthy- for both of us. But i didn't tell her to run. Oh how my mind yelled at me whenever i was near her. Run, Bella, run. But i couldn't make myself say the words out loud. Because what if she did take heed? What if she does turn and leave me? My life was a desolate void, empty. And then all of a sudden she shot through my night sky and it lit up. And so if she left, I wouldn't be able to see the point of the rest of the world without her anymore. Because all of a sudden, this girl is the whole world to me. And so i wondered, if she thought about me at all. If she missed me...even the tiniest portion of the amount that I'd missed her.

There came a time when I had realised that it didn't matter that I was the predator and she was my prey, all that mattered was that I could have as much time with her as I could get. I hoarded it. Storing it up so that when she does slip from my fingers, I would still have the memory of her. For that time would surely come. I waited anxiously for that time. Looking out for signs of her, growing bored and restless of me. Of repulsing my non-human nature. Of rejecting me for my obsessive ways with her - because of my attraction for her.

She had said 'yes' to me, but she also had said 'yes' to another boy. Even though it was someone that her actions showed she repulsed, I did not know that they were her true emotions. She was not like other humans I had ever encountered. When I thought I had her all worked out, she does something that contradicts all of that and I have to start from the beginning once more.

But the fact still remains, that she is a selfless, shy human female. And I am a selfish, obsessive vampire male. Hording after something that I can never, and would never, have. She would grow old, have children with another man, be able to be equals with him. But I would never age, never have children with her, I could never be her equal. She was so high above me. I am a wanderer. Not dead yet at the same time not dead. Just drifting inbetween the border, not fit enough to be on either side. How could I be her equal, if she was the epitome of an angel, and I, one without a soul?

I rest my head back in my hands as my mind wanders as I start to think about the future. How her children would look like. They would have her dark brown silky hair, her strong will and determination and her selflessness and her kind nature. But then I think of their eyes. Would they have her stunning eyes?  
Then all the images in my head turn. I think baby blue. _No_ not _him_. I know at this point I am growling. The child turns again. I now see dark brown, black maybe. _No_. _He_ is not her equal. She is too good for him. But as the eyes change colour, so does the man I see _my_ Bella with. Possibilities all go through my mind. And so do all the ways I could be rid of any choices. All competition could be wiped away. All with a single, simple swipe of my hand. I detest that these are what could hurt her, my cold, non-human hands, but I didn't resent them as much now, as my thoughts circle around the thought of erasing any male, human and vampire alike, that could stop me being with my Bella.

And that made me hate everything about myself again. Keeping her alive and safe is the one thing that I could do right in my life. I will not damn her into eternity. I would not be able to see her so still, so cold, so dead. I would not make her like me. No matter how much the monster inside me rejoices when my thoughts lead that way. It would take all my strength and will to keep things how they are now. To keep _my_ beautiful Bella alive and safe. To keep the blush on her cheeks and the warmth of her skin. She made me feel human, so much more than what I was when I _was_ human.

I regret, now more than ever that I am what I am. I am the predator. She is my prey. But instead of seeking out her blood, I now seek out her love. Even for a short time, until she finds someone her equal, someone that could love her without fearing that it might kill her. But I shall reign my affections in as much as I could. Because in my head i know that she wasn't mine. Not for as long as I want. Not as long as anything I have ever wanted in the 108 years that I have walked the earth. Now I grew sad again.

Though now I am determined that I would take anything I was given. For I was completely, utterly and obsessively in love with her. And I couldn't change that. I did not want to. I will horde all her time for now, and later let the chips fall where they may.

Bella causes my dead heart to restart as i never thought could be possible ever again.

She makes me want a _forever_...

Wish for a _forever_...

Need a _forever_....

**_A forever and an eternity with her._**

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what do you guys think?  
its a bit scrappy and repeats itself but i tried my best!!  
i mite re-edit it later sumtime if i can b bothered.

reviews are like cookies and cream icecream (i am eating that now actuali)  
they are both so WONDERFULL!!  
please review.

thanks.  
xx


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